I need Bigger Goals

For a laidback person, I am pretty much the usual deal; relaxed, without a care in the world, no hurry to get anywhere.. well, you know the type. It's fun, especially if your superpower is daydreaming. And that is no exaggeration! I am yet to meet someone who daydreams as much as I do. I have literally daydreamed the last decade away. I know this because I am

• not the top scorer for Manchester United.
• not a ladies man I imagine myself in my head
• overweight though slightly, equivalent to the size of a baby(elephant)
• constantly suffering from shortness of breath when I reach the end of the flight of stairs
• unaware of the anything taught to me during my bachelor's degree
• constantly confused about what I am saying and why

The list goes on. I do not remember doing much for the last decade, only wishing. The only achievement is developing an autopilot mode that is impossible to catch. I have faked so many conversations over the time that I should be awarded a PhD in psychobullshitting for developing a mode of conversation that goes nowhere and yet the other person feels enlightened and thanks me for muttering single syllable words that have nothing to do with the context. Or may be I should just become a therapist.

Anyway, that being said, I do not wish to continue like this. So I need some goals, and they need to be biggies, because you know, baby steps are for sissies. Also, my biggies might be someone else's baby steps. so no judging. I wanted to do a few things in 2015, apart from the usual lose weight, run, read, do not daydream blah blah. The biggest one was studying abroad. I have got admission into this technology management program in canada, so that is something. And since this is a good time for changing some of my habits, by which I mean all of them, I should list some other things that I wanna accomplish this year. 

• Run 10 km in 45 min.
• Read at at least 10 books.
• Review these 10 books on Goodreads.
• Save a few bucks.
• Eat healthy
• Average one blog post every week, even if it means writing gibberish, or accepting that's all I write.
• Make new friends, and have actual conversations with them. (this is harder than it looks)
• Make the most of the course, which means taking it seriously, again a daunting task for me.
• Stay in the present as much as I can.
• And have a great time, even if it means stepping out of my comfort zone.

I hope to live out this phase of my life with no regrets, which is most I can ask of myself. As for what actually happens, that we'll see sooner than later.

ciao

Make 2013 my best year yet!

I have a list of goals pinned somewhere on my virtual wall on some website; on  top of it is "make 2013 my best year yet". It's a pretty decent goal, since I only have to compete against 2012 as rest of the years were as uneventful as a parliament session (interesting if you like weird stuff, otherwise depressing as well as unproductive!). But considering 2012 was a pretty good one, it might take a little effort. So I have to list my achievements from last year to make it clear what I am competing against.
Last year I graduated. Pretty big, I know. I wasn't completely surprised (a little, maybe), but it has nothing to do with how I lived last year as all the credits were achieved the years before, and graduation just happened to fall in 2012. So no big deal.
I got my first full time job. Again, I waited till graduation to apply for a full time job, so that's kinda linked to it. And I quit anyway.
I got my second full time job. Now, it has been said that those who can't do, teach! I don't know if it's generally true, but in my case it is. I find teaching easy, you just have to tell others stuff and they'll believe you. You get to exaggerate stuff ( recently I have been getting pretty good at that) and get away with it. You have power, and for a short guy like me to boss around athletes who look like truck, and sometimes talk like one too, it is very very satisfying. And most important of all, you get plenty of time off to daydream, though they call it planning for the session.
My college is so famous I am sure you would've heard of it. Pretty much every kid who goes to my college spends his/her holidays to convince others in his/her hometown not to apply for it, calling school or jail. Personally I don't see what the fuss is all about: freedom is often overrated.
I also gained a lot last year. I calculated, and it turned out to be around ten kilos. Not an achievement, I know, but I was running out of things to write and I don't want my first post of the year to look so short.
Anyway, 2013 is going to be different, mainly because I earn a little now, a huge advantage if you want to do something. And though I cannot say the same about my will power, my confidence has definitely improved since joining this institute. That, I hope, is a sign of good things to come. And if they don't, I sure will have an interesting year anyway.
Considering the fan following I have, I might have to claim later that I asked it rhetorically, but I'll ask it anyway.
So, how was your 2012?

New year already!!!

Another year has gone by, leaving me with yet more regrets, supplys and a lot of fat- ten kilogram of it to be exact. It was quite a year, 2011. I mean, if i ever find myself in a shit hole thinking when did it started going wrong, I'll be looking back at twenty eleven with a vengeful eye. I had two horrible results, a disaster of a tech fest, missed out so much of my classes that I don't know what I am doing anymore, broke my foot, missed a goal(because of that broken foot), suffered from toothache, dengue and parental opinions, saw my laptop go senile, and among other things, watched helplessly as Manchester United lost at home to City and later crashed out of Champions league. And boy,that hurt!

But as with all years, it wasn't all bad. I recovered from most of the set-backs, except the results and parental disappointment, and since the both are related, I am hoping this year proves remedial for me. It was really a mixed year, when I tried making a lot of friends, on facebook and otherwise, and made a lot of enemies, but the few people I actually got along with are worth all of the mayhem. They are nice people,and I know I should call them more or at least text them to say I am still alive, but I am still at a learning curve, trying to figure out what I am going to say next and how awkward it could be, on the scale of 'one' to 'wtf', usually ending up with 'why did I say that'.

The highlight of the year was a trip to mumbai just to visit an old friend, a trip brought together by a lot of stupid lies told in quick succession. I know no one bought them (however trite it may sound, i am a bad liar) but I kept doing it anyway. Among the few people who knew the truth were my parents which is ironical, since they are usually the last ones to know about my excursions. But then, some had to pay for it, right? So, while everyone I know in college was preparing for the fest, I was aboard a train, a very slow one at that, travelling away from something rather than towards, with my cellphone mostly switched off to avoid any contact, save from the friend who was to host me in the financial capital of the country; it meant spending my birthday with people I didn't know (that was before i got into the train, but once the family I was travelling with started talking, the old man's tale took me through half a century spent in three continents while his daughter was giving me the I-am-sorry-even-we-can't-stop-him look). The memorable part of the trip walked in with her face covered and big eyes searching for a seat, and thanks to the cold heartless mid-aged man opposite to me, ending up right next to me. Said her name was Surbhi Sharma, lived with her grandfather and once slapped a guy who tried to follow her home, she was quite a delight actually, and didn't once showed any signs of violence. I thoroughly enjoyed my stay there. I thought I'd love to see the famous gateway of India, but it turned out to be big dud. Same for the red light area we 'accidentally' happened to pass by. What I did like was the Marine Drive and the bookshops on the Churchgate; blew all my money on cheap second hand novels, something I'll never regret.

It was just as the bollywood portrayed it, which, knowing bollywood, was quite a shock!

I haven't read all those books, but I read plenty, forty nine to be exact, just missing my personal goal of fifty two. Scored plenty of goals too, although I regret missing the game the day they say the police showed up to stop us from playing in the park. We still play, and were getting pretty good at disappearing at the sight of a policemen when they gave up. Hard fought battle my friend, which we wouldn't have been possible without all the stamina we built up from soccer; came in handy while running. Those games were a good way of releasing all the built up stress in you body and you get to shout at every person in your team irrespective of his age, caste, religion, color, hairstyle, occupation or weight, which after a week of being nice to everyone does kind of feel good. Usually soccer makes people more active, but I realized, the hard way, that the guy winning the ball is very likely to get kicked by the guy aiming for the ball he just won. Makes me rethink my priorities.

Life is going at a weird pace. I wonder if that has something to with getting older. There used to be a time when I had all the time in the world to do whatever I wanted, but that has changed. Now, I have to think how important something is before I do it, which i kind of hard to do if you are in the middle of the second season on Two and a Half Men. The significance of our actions is often determined by the impact they have on our life, which is somewhat paradoxical. Gandhiji once said that whatever you do in life will be insignificant, but it is very important that you do it. And like Tyler from the movie Remember me, I agree with the first part. I know its hard to take it seriously if it is coming out of Robert Pattinson's mouth, but trust me it makes perfect sense on a long enough timeline. Ever since this epiphany, I have been attaching a factor of insignificance to everything I do. Hence the name of my blog.

This year is going to be interesting. College is almost over, and i have no idea where life is going to take me next, but i hope there's a cable with ESPN there. Can't afford to miss any more matches of Manchester United, especially since they have lost three of the four matches i missed this season so far. As more the rest, I am pretty sure things are going to work out well.

Hope you have a great time too.

Ciao

Goodbye college

I have had reader's doubt my story. Surprisingly, its not the sucking-at-studies part they doubt, but the extent of it, alleging that I exaggerate. To them, all I have to say is: you'll never know, will you?

Coming back to my life, which isn't getting any better at the moment, I must confess that I have been a little biased about what, and how, I have been sharing. But, as my dad told me when I was a little kid and asked why there's so much bad news in newspaper: an elephant walking down the road doesn't make a good story unless he falls. And if there's one think I have done, its just that. Metaphorically, of course.

Anyways, it December, the end of my last semester in college, assuming of course that i clear all my pending subjects(five, including the mighty old mathematics101). Officially, the semester is already over, but the few unfortunate ones of us enjoying the unwanted extension, its an awkward phase of saying goodbye to all the people just to see them show up again for various crappy formalities the college has us go through. I am not good at goodbyes, but then, who is? And to be honest, its not even an actual goodbye, not with Facebook around. Yet, you are supposed to feel feel nostalgic about it, and say that you are going to miss these days, which coming from me would be a lie.

It was weird that I ended up at an engineering college doing a Bachelor of technology in civil engineering after dropping two years preparing for premedical exams. It meant that everyone in my batch would be a couple of years younger than me. I don't know why it should bother me, but it did. And about the course, well I can't say that i have given it an honest try, but from whatever little I learned about wasn't as bad as I thought it'd be.Now I am almost an engineer, and yet when my mother asks me to figure out why the ceiling has damp patches I am stumped, which has nothing to do with the college of the course but my own unwillingness to learn. Like always, I wish I had lived differently and with a purpose.

They say the best part of the college life is getting to know people, and make friends. That, I concede, has one pretty well. I met some amazing, and amusing(sometime both, simultaneously or consecutively), people in college, making me believe that truth is, in fact, stranger than fiction, for I wouldn't have believed such people could exist outside of a novel. They have been great companions , and a few of them, good friends.

College Fest. Enjoyed the preparation, skipped the event.

Talking about opposite sex, I came into college never having talked to a girl who wasn't in my class, and the fact that I managed to talk to not one but two such cuties on the same day should be enough to show you the changed man I have become. I would have given you lot more examples with all the juicy details, but I can't; don't have any! Hence I have come to learnt to love myself, which is not a euphemism for  any visual you might get from that sentence. The strange thin about all this was that in all the four years I haven't had a single crush on anyone. Wonder what's up with that.

The reason I don't feel nostalgic about the end this part of my life is that when I look back at it is that there's so much regret about the things I didn't do that I feel all these years have gone down the gutter. I wish I had done things differently this time. All my life I have been waiting for something to wake me up with a jolt and make me take stock of my life, and do something about it. But seeing that I am writing a blog post about it rather than studying for the next paper, it hasn't happened. Yet.

I'll spend the next few months doing my "Industrial training", hopefully learning something more than concrete. If I don't, then at least I'll have a good time trying.

I thing that book is give me the stare. Or it could be the other way around. Hard to say,since I am too sleepy to read or write anymore.

Ciao.

P.S-I am posting it unedited, if something doesn't make sense just assume the closest thing that comes to your mind. If nothing does, assume baffling you was my actual intention:)

All about genes

My sister just got her first paycheck. It was a temporary job and it wasn't much, but she made a big deal out of it; of course, it was her first paycheck. Obviously, like any good girl she wanted to buy something for every member of the family. Now, I am proud of my lack of wardrobe, but its always a burden having to explain to family why I never have more than one jeans. And thats what she wants me to buy from her money. So anyone who know where should I go to get a jean for less than 500 bucks please comment.

I never needed new jeans, but its the genes that baffle me. After two boring years of cramming insects' multiple names and shapes of babies inside uterus, I should say I have learned a few things: insects suck(some of them literally) and that babies before being born look hideous and perhaps should not be looked at! But among the few interesting things I learned was the fact that a human being is supposed to get half the genes from each parents. This is pretty complicated, but in plain English it means you get to share your traits with your parents. What you get from which parent is entirely up to chance.

See, thats what's been confusing me lately. My kid sister as taken up entirely after my father while the middle one has the good qualities of both my parents. Now, if chance is supposed to work fairly I would say it has screwed royally because I am left with undesirable characteristics of not one but both of my parents! You see, like my mom, I avoid starting anything new, and like my dad, I get too distracted too finish anything that I start. No wonder my life's a mess!

But that's not all. There were plenty of genes I missed which could have changed my life. For instance, I am told that my dad in his youth was quite a Casanova, and even though I could see that these accounts are greatly exaggerated, I couldn't help notice the envy his friends still harbor. Its cruel of destiny to make me mis all the fun I could have had!

My mother is one of the most stubborn person I have ever encountered, and even though it has certain drawbacks, I sure do need that quality right now. Its long list of traits that I should have had but don't. Its not that I am complaining;surprisingly, it's my dad who's more worried about my apparent lack of libido. I am pretty sure if he was any more "open minded" he'd have suspected me of being gay. Now that I come to think of it, I am afraid he already does! Boy, that's explain some of his last lectures!!

It's weird how much of blame you can shift to genes. I think that's why genetics was invented in the first place. It takes quite some skill to sound convincing while shifting blame for your lethargy, but you have to give it a try. Maybe that's the reason they say knowledge is power: it gives you the ability to hoodwink those who are ignorant. Too bad it rarely works on parents though.

Pretty soon college's gonna start-for the forth time in a row!! Final year is supposed to be so many things that I am sure it's gonna be just as boring as the previous years.

I gotta go make the promises which I make to myself at the start of every semester: promises that i know I am going to break. So see you later.
Ciao

Midsummer's gloom

Shit happens.. You cant change the law of nature.. To err is human.. When you go for spectacular, you should be proud of even your mistakes! These are some of the things my barber blurted out when i asked for a reasonable explanation for what he had done with my hair. Not that i care. I could never figure out the things that supposedly looks good on you. It might have something to do with my being brought up in the jungles of north-east, but the whole concept is lost on me. Looking good you say? Why? What possible purpose would it solve?
Unless you are looking for a girlfriend- in which case, dressing nicely is more of a prerequisite than a manoeuver. Speaking of which, i wonder if i fall on the wrong side of the sex ratio, among the hundred odd males that were sent without a "jodi" from heaven. That would certainly explain a lot though. But a better explanation would be my lack of trying. i'd settle for that. Until recently i wasn't even thinking on the these lines, about a girlfriend, but then suddenly i realized that i was among the few singles with no escapade to recount, and this got me thinking: What have i missed? And then Anurag came and told me i really need a gf to keep me in line (and here i was, settled for my right hand, enjoying my independence). Not that i agree with him, but he certainly gave me food for thought.
Last few months have been the worst of my life. I have all the signs of depression except the real thing itself. Its gotten to a point where i screwed up my exams and didn't feel a thing. So when people ask me why have i stopped blogging, i say its because things have stopped being funny. But here i am anyway, typing away my thoughts as they come, hoping for something to change. Its a long summer ahead of me, and change would be welcome, even though so far there's nothing to indicate any ray of hope.
I have no idea why i am writing this online, unedited on a blog which goes unnoticed. But i need to do something i didn't do yesterday. Its a change, right?
BTW, i just finished Life of Pi, which turned out to be refreshing. It reminded me of the short story we read in Tenth class- the lady or the tiger. I have a few good books lined up for the summer, that ought to keep me company.
Hope your summer is better then mine. And hope mine gets better too.
ciao

I am BACK..errr....to classes.

So the INCOGNITO 2011 is over, and i am glad it is. After all the preparation that went into, it wasn't exactly what we expected. Personally, i stayed away from it most of the time for reasons that vary from sick aunt to people pissing me off.

Now that the fest is over, it should have been the end of the insider, but my live has just turned more interesting ever since the end of the fest. Hence the blogging continues.

I was supposed to get exemption for the period i was out of classes, but since the lecturers hate me, my attendance has fallen way too short. And now you'll find me nodding aggressively in all my classes as if i am getting everything that is being taught, while the truth being if i don't nod i'd nod off! Since bunking classes is no longer an option for me, i have been trying to listen to the lecturers: the only thing i have learned so far is that it'll take a whole lot of courage, hard work and disprin to get me through this semester.

Life outside classes isn't that great either. Turns out the cute gal is committed to some far off guy with bright future and all that shit- i can't compete with that! Especially since i have seen that every company visiting our campus prefers pretty girls to guys. My future is as exciting as zoozoo's face (i am not talking about the one in vodafone's add), and unless i do something different it'll remain that way. But who knows what'll happen. I mean we do spend an awful lot of time together on placement drives, and recently she did laugh at one of my jokes (a dangerous thing to do, since once encouraged i seldom stop before someone begs me to!).

I think thats enough for now. I needed to write something to take my mind off stuff: now that i feel relaxed, i guess i should go back to work. This blog's not dead yet, folks. Till next time. Ciao